Why is homosexuality a sin if Allah made me this way?
Every Muslim I know says that being gay is a choice, which is just not true. I'm attracted to men the same way a straight man is attracted to women, and this was never a conscious choice on my part. It's like asking a straight man to suddenly start liking men: Is he going to be able to that? No.
I've accepted the fact that I'm gay, however it's now making me question my religion. If Allah forbids homosexuality, then why does he allow people to be born gay? My Imam says that being gay isn't actually a sin in and of itself, but it is a sin if you perform any homosexual acts. He told me I should just marry a girl, but is that fair to any girl that I marry? Am I meant to live without a partner for the rest of my life? Is that what Allah wants for me?
I've recently read the Qur'an in English and the things that happen to gay people after death has put me into depression. I just don't see the point in praying anymore when I know I'm going to burn in hell for something Allah has burdened me with.
So my question is, "If Allah forbids homosexuality, then why does he allow people to be born gay?" It's like we're guaranteed to go to hell as soon as we're born. Also, being gay, is it haram for me to marry a woman, or would it be haram for her to marry me?
@Ali: Please have a look at Dr Tatianas Sex Advice to All Creation, and educate yourself about some of the remarkable 'sexual deviancy' in nature. She's an evolutionary biologist. Please note the title is meant to be humourous...
The question itself is slightly flawed. If the purpose of the question is to justify it then murder and killing is also according to psychologists `human nature` so can murder be justified by a person who claims that `Allah made him that way`?
I would humbly claim that fasting on a regular basis and a rigid program will solve the issue, mate. I cannot think fasting in this fashion will be more demanding than feeling doomed to committing homosexuality. Fast three days a week, two of which are fixed ones; say Thursday and Saturday. Fast the third day on a day of each week when fasting will be most _ego-challenging_ (i.e. a day of hard work, tasty meal, etc. ). Bind yourself to choosing the most difficult day in every week to fast on the third day.
@Bill That's not really analogous. In your example the sin (murder) is an action whilst what you were born with is a trait (being murderous). You could live with the trait whilst never carrying out the action, and therefore not sin. Imam's opinion aside, the OP was born with a trait (homosexuality) and is concerned with that trait being a sin. The murderous person can overcome and control what he was born with. But if the trait itself is a sin, then he's been doomed from birth.
There is nothing like "born gay". Its not part of `human nature` like killing or lying. There has never been a proof that there is something like "born into homosexuality", although it has been repeated many times in the west. In other words: One who has homosexual desires is not irresponsible for that.
i copy my deleted answer: how can you suddenly start liking a man? for what?! i think a man starts liking a woman and vice versa because they know or feel that mens and womens (boys and girls) should/ going to/ ought to marry. even if you did not know that when you was a kid , you know that now, so how can you "like" a man now?!
@Sadik You might want to take those claims to [biology.se] and ask about how inborn a predisposition to homosexuality is. It clearly has a genetic component and other components that are not susceptible to change via the volition of the individual.
@qdinar "how can you suddenly start liking a man? for what?!" Love does not follow a system of morality. "i think a man starts liking a woman and vice versa because they know or feel that mens and womens (boys and girls) should/ going to/ ought to marry." Biology disagrees with you.
@G.Bach There is still no evidence for a "gay gene". Even if there is a biologic basis, that still can come from environmental influence. As I said earlier: I think (only think, can't prove it) that future generations will laugh at us believing in genetic based homosexuality.
@Sadik The question isn't whether it's fully genetic, the question - apart from the obvious moral answer of "it doesn't matter since there's nothing bad about it" - is whether it can be changed by volition, which there is pretty much scientific consensus on that it can't.
@G.Bach Just as there are reports of people claiming to be born into homsexuality there are also reports of people who claim to have been homosexual and be heterosexual now.
@Sadik They're not "just as" the ones with people who were homosexual as long as they can remember, they are significantly fewer - and the scientific literature on changing sexual orientation by volition (as opposed to shifting without the person's conscious choices being involved) is pretty unanimous on that being as good as impossible
@G.Bach It doesn't matter how much they are. Even if there were only one you can understand from it that it's possible. You can't say that scientific literature is unanimous here, because there is still much research to be done here. Actually it is totally unexplored. But the whole issue is politicized. There is the belief of "born this way" and you have to put your research in this way. However, in the future we will all see that we have been lied to. From an islamic point of view it is clear to me that no one is put in the direction of commiting sin.
Also the issue of homosexuality is used to attack Islam in the west. We should be aware of this. There is no need to remain mute about it. We are against the acceptance of homosexuality in the society and we have every right to be.
@Curious Fwa :Questioner please react with a comment to show me a sign of life.
“A person is not to be blamed for his nature. Rather, he is to be blamed if he acts according to his nature.” -Al-Junayd in ‘Hilyat al-Awliya”
Our community needs to understand that NO ONE is condemned to Hell simply because they have a desire that is not permissible to engage in.
Men and women who are attracted to the opposite gender but do not have the opportunity to get married for whatever reason, struggle the same way as you are struggling. As a man, I myself am attracted to beautiful women. But, this does not give me the right to lust after these women. I can only pursue an intimate relationship within the confined limits of marriage (If I get the chance).
We see the same crises affecting a large portion of humanity today. Homosexuality, bisexuality, pedophilia, incest, voyeurism, and many other fetishes and manifestations of sexual desires seem to be found in human beings more commonly today than ever before. The same can be said about those who are addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling and other immoral practices. Unfortunately some of these people have surrendered their will to their lower passions only to find momentary bliss and bitter regret immediately following afterward.
They should understand that what separates a human being from an animal is that with sincere effort and struggle we humans can have control over our desires whereas an animal does not. Instead of submitting to these temptations and whims, we Muslims submit only to our Lord.
Of course human beings in this life will be attracted to things which may not be in our benefit to engage in. Remember that this life is a test. This is not Paradise where we can do whatever we feel like doing. (In Jannah however, we can in fact do whatever we feel like doing and get whatever we desire.)
Should you get married? i don't know, maybe you should wait and see how you feel about it after a few years. I don't think it would be such a disservice to the marriage if you aren't attracted to the wife, but you may want to notify her about your issue. And for the record, there are many reports of people having their sexual interest switched over a period of time.
Please do not give up brother, I wish the best for you.
Its a nice analogy, but I don't think it quite works. It remains legitimate for you to marry a woman. The union is encouraged & blessed.
There are many men & women who struggle with diseases (such as HIV/Aids), physical disabilities or mental disorders that may prevent them from ever getting married. Some of them will be blessed with marriage in this life and others will be rewarded in the next life for their patience.
I am a Christian and we think exactly the same on so many levels (like in your answer) and therefore I just don't understand why we often (not always) can't live peacefully next to each other.
@TonyStark It is the promise of Iblees (Lucifer) to turn humans away from God. He and his army whispers into our minds and corrupts us. Though Jews, Christians & Muslims follow the same basic religious principles taught by Adam, Noah & Abraham, we tend to ignore the common between us & stress on the differences. Moreover, the capitalistic environment of today's world has turned many of us to atheism :( Only the return of Jesus, the son of Virgin Mary will help us resolve us our differences. Till then we pray for peace.
"And for the record, there are many reports of people having their sexual interest switched over a period of time." The psychology and cognitive science community is pretty convinced that there are no convincing reports of this. The people on [cogsci.se] will be able to clear up the science around these claims.
_"Homosexuality, bisexuality, pedophilia, incest, voyeurism, and many other fetishes and manifestations of sexual desires seem to be found in human beings more commonly today than ever before. The same can be said about those who are addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling and other immoral practices."_ Do you have any backup for these claims?
Why do you think it is the truth that you are born gay?
Even if you think so, that is not a proof. I think the best you could do is:-
- Make dua
- Try to solve any kind of psychical problems or inner conflicts.
In my humble opinion, a good start would be, to ask yourself why you do not like females and why you like males instead.
But let us assume you are gay by birth and Allah forbids homosexuality,
that would mean it is a trial for you and Allah tells us:
Which means that Allah does not make trials for us which we can not pass, as scholars tell us.
Pleas for refer also to
Dr. Zakir Naik about Gay and Lesbian in Islam
Dr. Zakir Naik about Aura, Homosexuality and some other
NOTE. I hope you will not understand my answer as offensive or aggressive, I am trying to help, and as Joseph --peace be upon him-- said no one is safe and I am not an exception:
وَمَا أُبَرِّئُ نَفْسِي إِنَّ النَّفْسَ لَأَمَّارَةٌ بِالسُّوءِ إِلَّا مَا رَحِمَ رَبِّي إِنَّ رَبِّي غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ
"Nor do I absolve my own self (of blame): the (human) soul is certainly prone to evil, unless my Lord do bestow His Mercy: but surely my Lord is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful." [12:53]
and for you to see how sexuality can be dangerous I refer you to Joseph --peace be upon him-- who asked Allah to save him otherwise even him might not remain safe:
قَالَ رَبِّ السِّجْنُ أَحَبُّ إِلَيَّ مِمَّا يَدْعُونَنِي إِلَيْهِ ۖ وَإِلَّا تَصْرِفْ عَنِّي كَيْدَهُنَّ أَصْبُ إِلَيْهِنَّ وَأَكُن مِّنَ الْجَاهِلِينَ
He said: "O my Lord! the prison is more to my liking than that to which they invite me: Unless Thou turn away their snare from me, I should (in my youthful folly) feel inclined towards them and join the ranks of the ignorant." [12:33]
Anything that is not working right is a sign of disease. If a limb of body doesn't work properly it will be a physical disease or handicap, if the brain doesn't work properly it will be a mental disorder, and if there is an inclination toward wrong behaviors then it will be a disease of the heart. A person may catch every such disease during his/her own life or be born with that instead. But none of these change the fact that a disease is a disease.
The sexual disorders used to be categorized as mental disorders even in Western countries until a few decades ago and some such disorders are still categorized as mental disorders as are mentioned in this Wikipedia entry. However, according to this answer maybe the disease for heart be a more suitable title for such disorders like homosexuality.
Such diseases are not limited to wrong sexual tendencies, Any tendency toward Haram or Makrouh is a disease of heart, as is any loathing to a Wajib or Mustahab. Someone who prefers to be jealous over having good-will is ill like a man who prefers sex with a man over a sex with a woman, or like a man who prefers a sex with a stranger woman, and etc. I am not going to say you have been born with any sexual perversity or not, but it is very probable that people be born with diseases like being jealous, cruel, miser, bad tempered, arrogant and etc., so why impossible to born with paraphilia? However, this life is a Puzzle game for us to first understand our characteristics, to understand the list of all good-and-bad things, to decide to improve, to guide each characteristic that we have to its own place in a pattern life. Does that mean being arrogant can have a right place in a healthy life style? Yes it does! The poor is recommended to be arrogant against the (arrogant?) reach. Having good temper to other Mu'min is more than recommended but not necessarily to all nonbelievers as well! Women are encouraged to be miser when spending on their husband's money, be arrogant when communicating with a stranger man, be timid in several situations, and the same adjectives would be very discouraged for a man in similar situations. You see how is the game we are expecting to play in during this life, it's by no means easy. You count some of your diseases in heart (wrong tendencies and temptations) and I can count some of mine. They are not necessarily the same, but most of us are participating a similar puzzle game if not exactly the same. Examinations are different but there are examinations for all of us. The examinations Allah put forward to our everyday lives are not for Allah to give us points, but for us to better recognize ourselves, our weak and strong points, to diagnose our diseases, and to cure our diseases. The first thing a patient should admit about himself/herself is that he/she is sick. Once a person admits he is sick, then he can decide whether to cure it or to let it improve. "Let it improve" is what the Western countries now prescribe but Islam has always prescribed cure for any and every disease.
Not all such diseases of heart are necessarily caught from the parents treating us but some are due to genetics as well, even some may be caused during the pregnancy and more probably many such diseases are addressed in Shia Ahadeeth to be caused by the-day-of-the-month/the-day-of-the-week/the-hour-of-the-day a couple perform their sexual actions and the sperm is wrapped in the mother's womb, if it is at the beginning of a lunar month or whatsoever. Even many bodily and mental diseases have similar origins and causes. This is not something that we can blame our God for that. A person who wants to lie but he is not allowed, a person who likes to perform sex with a beautiful girl but is not allowed, a person who is arrogant but he is not allowed to be so, and infinity of many other people who suffer a disease in heart and are expected to cure themselves before to die. We are here to earn Taqwa (piety), that we like to do something but Allah wants us not to do so and we prefer Allah's will over ours. That your disease is or might be more-difficult-to-cure than mine is not a good reason to blame God. That God has given you this disease since you have born --if it be true-- then He has certainly given you the power to overcome it:
لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتْ وَعَلَيْهَا مَا اكْتَسَبَتْ ...
On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. ... [2:286]
وَأَن لَّيْسَ لِلْإِنسَانِ إِلَّا مَا سَعَىٰ
That man can have nothing but what he strives for [53:39]
thus, if you rightly manage to overcome your diseases by using the opportunities Allah puts forward to you [* opportunities for doing a sin, so that first you see you have a wrong tendency, then you withstand against the wrong desire*] you will opportunity by opportunity earn more and more amounts of piety and purify your heart for Allah. In between, what can help you much is asking for help from Allah, for He is the one who hears and can help you and indeed will help you but not necessarily in the way you like but in the way He knows to be better:
قُلْ مَا يَعْبَأُ بِكُمْ رَبِّي لَوْلَا دُعَاؤُكُمْ ...
Say, "What would my Lord care for you if not for your supplication?" ... [25:77]
Last but by no means least, in a Hadeeth around the people who suffer birth defects is stated that they will find a precious gift in the Hereafter for tolerating their defects, and at the Day they will say Alas, better was if we had more defects and could tolerate more on this in Dunya.
PS. No paradox exists in Qur'an, what seems to be paradox is indeed a ladder that can lift you up to a higher level of understanding the truth, so do not stop at such points, either say they are right although I cannot understand or ask about them from those firmly grounded in knowledge. See [3:7] in Qur'an.
I am not professional in islam but I look at your question logically; Consider someone that likes to eat the meat of dead humans. He may say: "I'm attracted to the meat of dead humans in the same way another man is attracted to the meat of a lamb. If Allah forbids eating the meat of dead humans, then why does he allow people to be born with these attitudes?"
So, My answer:
In the spirit of each of us, there is lots of attractions and attitudes. During our lives, some of them are enforced and some of them are ignored or even repressed. Allah has created and sent us to the earth to be evaluated in some circumstances called life. He is our owner and he has some orders in the style : "Do" and "Do not" called ahkaam. Also he has established some rewards and penalties (either in this world or in another) for these rules. In his discipline, when he forbids doing something that is our favorite and we obey him, he will give us the chance to approach him and he will like us more and more. If we do something that is our favorite and also God has ordered doing that, this doing is not too precious. Not doing something that is our favorite only with the motivation of obeying God is precious. THIS IS A REAL LOVE GAME.
The purpose of life is to worship Allah and work our way to Paradise, which He created us for. But Paradise is not cheap - however the harder the struggle the more beautiful the rewards. Allah has given each of us something to struggle with, and in His Mercy He chose that struggle that we were most capable of. No matter how hard it might be, remember that "Allah does not burden a soul with more than it can bear".
Everyone's struggle is unique. It could be in the form of kleptomania, physical or mental handicaps, obsessive compulsive disorder, being born in an extremely impoverished environment, being trapped in a war-stricken place like in Palestine or Myanmar or Afghanistan with your parents and siblings wounded and raped in front of your eyes and bombs exploding around you at all times, or being homosexual, or being straight but never getting a chance to marry the person you love, or being straight but just so obsessed with lust and desire that controlling oneself from adultery feels impossible, or straight but so physically handicapped that one can never have a relationship with anyone anyway. Everyone in all of these situations could ask "If I am bound to sin or be miserable in this situation, why did Allah put me in it in the first place?" but the reality is that we can deal with it, and this is our test. Allah alone knows that He chose this test for us over others, because maybe we wouldn't be able to deal with other tests. For example, one of the reasons Allah makes some people born in poverty is because He knows that had He given them riches, they may have abused their wealth. Or maybe He wanted to put them in that situation to develop the skills or patience to deal with other important things that they will be facing in life. The purpose of life is to see the beauty in everything despite all the odds, i.e. to worship Allah and attain Heaven.
The Prophet (SAW) said that when Allah loves someone, He puts them through difficulties - these difficulties are what give you opportunities to shine - to attain higher levels in Paradise, to come closer to Allah. If your perseverance was never put to the test, how would it come out?
You must be very special to Allah and very loved that He chose this constant test for you - how much of the time, how many moments do you feel the feelings you wish you didn't have? He's gifted you all these moments as a gift to show your abstinency, your patience, your faith and self-control.
There is a Hadith where a person who had never seen even one happiness in his life but had lived a life of complete misery, will be entered into Heaven. And when asked after a moment in Heaven if he had ever seen any sadness, the person will answer "Never".
The fact is that despite this constant test of self-control that you have, you need to look beyond this issue and see what you have to offer the world. Who knows, maybe Allah gave you this to prevent you from having a family, because you were meant for bigger things? You have a brain and talents and skills that maybe you could be using towards earning money for charitable causes, or raising an orphanage, or making important contributions to society that are difficult to do with the full-time responsibilities of a family.
Also - don't think your life is doomed to misery. You don't know how long you have to live. The Quran tells us that when we are raised again we will wonder if our life on earth was just a day long, or a part of a day.
Immerse yourself in the reality and short-lived nature of life, inshaAllah it'll help you cope. I'll pray for you too inshaAllah.
Love and prayers, anon
PS. I wrote this with the assumption that you feel it is beyond you to marry a woman. However, homosexuality can be successfully treated so that you can be attracted towards women. I don't know how it is with you, but I know of someone who was a homosexual man but who forced himself to love his wife, and he was successful in doing so, and he managed to really be in love with her and have a child and a normal family.
Salam Brother Curious,
I understand what you are going through. I am not a scholar, but a regular person, like you, who is trying to improve him/herself. First, judging from the way you care about the Hereafter, it is clear you have a pure heart InshAllah. Second, the reality is, that this life is a test. And as time progresses, the temptations and fitan are increasing. If you were to look at the world 100 years ago and compare it with how it is today, you would see a significant difference. For one, society has become more sexualized, public nudity and acts that were once considered immoral have now become the "norm". And as Muslims, who follow teachings that are in essence timeless, it becomes hard, extremely hard, to find a balance. Especially in light of misleading media, Islam has become a target and branded "ancient" because our moral teachings are not always in accordance with those held in society. And for us Muslims, we may question ourselves at times, and question our rationale- this is the reality. We may look deeply into our beliefs, and it's hard not to question yourself when you are a minority and the majority of the world believes otherwise. But you have to fight yourself, and this is the toughest battle. You have to understand that the Shaytan strives to turn people away from their faith. Ad of course, he will not come to you and insinuate you to commit kufr, because he knows you're too strong for that. Instead, he will try to break you down, and slowly pull you away. You questions yourself, you doubt yourself, and sometimes you feel like giving up. I know, I've been there countless times. But what I want to tell you, is don't give up. Sometimes waswaas (whisperings of shaytan) can be so strong. But you can hold through, and know that Allah SWT is with you and He SWT will help you. I have heard of stories of people being homosexual, but then became heterosexual. I heard of a particular woman who was lesbian, and she converted to Islam. She told my friend that homosexuality was a state of mind you choose. That woman is not homosexual, she is actually married now. I know you didn't "choose" to be this way, but brother the Shaytan is using this to get to you. He is slowly making you think that you are like this, when in reality you are not. He gradually brings you towards him, first you question yourself, then you doubt yourself, then you question your faith, and slowly he's pulling you away from faith. I understand because I have been through that countless times. What you need to to is break away, and I'm telling you, it will be hard, but InshAllah you can do it. Make duaa, and increase your Eman in Allah SWT and you will be able to clear your mind and understand the bigger picture. You will realize the truth. Have faith, and don't worry brother, I know you can do it InshAllah. And one day, you will look back and realize these struggles have made you stronger. May Allah make it easy on you and grant you tranquility.
Brother, it has been many years since you asked this question (2012), and I'm fairly new, but this is an issue I've thought about and tried to reconcile, so at this late date I will only point out a few things that may help us understand this issue.
The aya often quoted above from Surat Lut 80-81 is a quote from the Prophet Lut, and not a direct statement from Allah. Such statements that are quotes must be considered differently as in context of the speaker or representing the speaker's view which is not necessarily exactly the same as Allah's view. So the statement that this behavior, including sexual desire for the same sex (in this case men), has never before occurred anywhere ever is Lut's opinion and feeling about it. He is expressing his horror over it. Allah's punishment, it must be noted, comes only after his community got together and determined to drive Lit out of their city and possibly also attack him, with the sole charge that he was "clean and pure." So they committed a sin of aggression against the prophet, and also were kaafireen or disbelievers and also were a community of homosexuals who were hostile towards anyone who didn't like this; some speculate they may have raped younger men or boys as well. In other words, their actual sin for which they were punished was not sexual orientation per se or even an isolated incident of sodomy, but for this being part of a cult activity with enmity towards Allah and his prophet and message.
Also the aya quoted above from Surat Al-Nisaa' 4:15-16 is explicitly referring to heterosexual adulteration and mentions women, so that punishment is not directly related to homosexuality.
Allah mentions that He forgives all sins except idolatry. Think about that too.
Take into consideration that quite a few prohibitions are based on health considerations, important for the survival of the Muslim community, especially in its early days. The worst aspects of homosexuality are actually two: the true health hazard (AIDS and other disease) and its transmission to possibly innocent victims, and what has been common in some homosexual communities or among some individuals which is the practice of sexually assaulting or enticing young boys or young men. The formation of a homosexual community itself may have issues such as promiscuity; there are no ensuing families/ children to keep the community from becoming self-indulgence/ hedonistic and self-destructive. All these issues do not mean that homosexuals cannot form loving relationships or even partnerships, but they must be formed in the context of the greater community and not seek to undermine the social cohesion of it by flaunting their own behavior or aggressively promoting it.
So there are reasons Allah discourages open homosexuality but if such a person seeks Allah sincerely and performs salat and pays the zakat and charity and does good for the community he lives in and keeps a modest appearance and behavior, he can certainly be among the believers, and Allah knows his heart.
I strongly feel a homosexual should NOT marry someone of the opposite sex because it would be unfair to his wife. How many wives married to gays have suffered for this, and been deprived of a husband who loves them and cherishes them not simply as a friend. The Quran differs from the Torah in that it does not require marriage as an article of faith, but rather encourages it as the backbone of the community.
Truth and compassion as well as fear of Allah are crucial here; study and understanding will help.
Being homosexual is not a sin but committing an homosexual act is a sin. It can be most likely regarded as
- Having lustful eyes for other men
- having sexual contact with other men
- A heterosexual having 'gay type acts' with his wife is also a sin
What I have heard is God rewards you for your intentions. If you have inclination towards a person of same sex, God recognizes your urge. If you forbid yourself from such a sin, God will reward you even more for your abstinence. Because in this case you have a real need and you control yourself to obey Allah.
In short Islam does not recognized homosexuality. It considers it as sin and transgression. Lut 7:80-81
And (We sent) Lut when he said to his people: What! do you commit an indecency which any one in the world has not done before you? Most surely you come to males in lust besides females; nay you are an extravagant people.
Homosexuals are punishable by Qur'an according to verse 4:15-16 and is considered a sin. Again the act is punishable, homosexual is not punishable.
Homosexuals are totally normal people. There is nothing wrong with them. It is just the way they are born. It is considered mostly genetic with mother side having more influence that the father side. Homosexuality is found not only in humans but in animals also, Homosexual behavior in Animal Kingdom !
If you look at the above verse, you see a problem right away
..which any one in the world has not done before you?
Qur'an says no one ever did such a sin before you. This is questionable in itself.
Most people do not know that it is the act of penetration that is punishable by death not just touching or fondling. In case of fondling etc, the two must be disciplines. In Islam the focus is always on penetration not outer sex. In a hadith where a women was divorced by her husband and then married another guy. The other guy was impotent. The women asked the prophet if she can marry her first husband again. The prophet said no, unless they consummate the marriage. Since he was impotent, he probably could never consummate the marriage.
By answering this I by no means encourage or discourage you from any homosexual sin
Personally speaking; I think it's a sin if an entire community engages in it - for the community cannot reproduce. For a small minority within in it, I doubt it should be a sin. I'd like to back it up with some evidence, but I haven't enough Islamic scholarship for that, yet.
However, Irshad Manji has. She calls herself a Muslim Refusenik, and is openly lesbian. You may find her interesting reading. You may think that she has been too obviously westernized, she is after a Canadian; but The Prophet said, in a mashhur Hadith "Seek Knowledge, even in China". (Personally, I haven't read her work).
Further, I'd like to point out all sorts of 'deviant' sexual behavior - including homosexuality in Nature have been found by zoologists. Islam gives only free will to humans. Only for us, is there a category of Halal & Haram. It's interesting that He allows that behaviour as accordance to their native temperament; but not for us (apparently).
I haven't read the Qur'an. (I've read it in Arabic twice, but did not understand it, the blessing of a rural Bangladeshi madaressa imported to England). I will do eventually. It would be useful to me if you could highlight which verses you have read that 'caused you depression', and whose translation you have read.
Further, minorities generally have to work to have their voice established as elites are usually take charge of interpretation of important texts & the law. They are fallible; as they are only human. Sometimes, they look at text & see only their own prejudices staring back at them. One has to work at finding the best, as they often become lost in the clamour of voices claiming our attention.
Finally, many profound texts abound in contradictions; that should not be an index of their failure. The Uncreated Speech of Allah must be profound; as He only truly is.
"(He is) the Creator of the heavens and the earth: He has made for you pairs from among yourselves, and pairs among cattle: by this means does He multiply you: there is nothing whatever like unto Him, and He is the One that hears and sees (all things)."
Allah makes 'pairs' amongst us, and in nature. Nothing here says they must be between 'male & female'. However He goes on to say that He 'multiplies'. This may be taken to mean that only heterosexual relationships are lawful. But, in fact, I do not think this is the main thrust of the aya. It is only an example to show that 'Nothing is whatever like unto Him'. That only He is the Creator.
It's easy to see that this verse could be misinterpreted (either deliberately or unconsciously) to make out only heterosexual relationships are lawful, for they multiply.
To emphasis that this verse is entirely about Allah's creative powers, I'd like to point out that He made the 'Heavens & the Earth', that is Space & Matter, another 'pair' with which He created our physical universe.
There is a specific verse in the Qur'an that seems to deal directly with homosexuality, to wit:
"We also (sent) Lut: He said to his people: "Do ye commit lewdness such as no people in creation (ever) committed before you? (80) For ye practice your lusts on men in preference to women: ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds.(81)"
This, may look as though then Homosexuality is banned. But looking at the whole verse, I do not think that this is true. Yusuf Ali commentates towards the end of this verse:
"Our attention having been directed to various prophets, who were sent with missions to their several peoples, ... We contemplate no longer, after this, partial truths. It is not now a question of saving Israel from the bondage of Egypt, nor teaching Midian the ethics of business, nor reclaiming the people of Lut from sexual sin or Thamūd from the sin of oppression in power, or ‘Ād from arrogance and ancestor-worship. Now are set forth plainly the issues of Life and Death, the Message of God, the One Universal God to all mankind."
That these are particular & partial truths to illustrate the temptation of evils. One needs to contemplate ethics from a whole point of view. Though Al-Yusuf talks of 'sexual sin', the general truth is to sink into only the world of sense, to deaden reason, and only allow our sensual appetites to rule us entirely.
Merely inheriting a Book, or doing lip service to it, does not make a nation righteous. If they succumb to the temptations of the world, their hypocrisy becomes all the more glaring.
Is a warning not to rely simply on interpretations & fatwas, but to do the hard work of understanding yourself. This is reinforced in
'The latent faculties in man are enough to teach him the distinction between good and evil, to warn him of the dangers that beset his life. But to awaken and stimulate them, a personal appeal is made to each individual through the "still small voice" within him. This, in its uncorrupted state, acknowledges the truth and, as it were, swears its Covenant with God'.
I suggest that the 'still small voice' is within in you and 'acknowledges the truth'. You know your own being, that has been granted to you by Allah; don't bury it. That you are depressed by the verse, shows only that you yourself haven't understood the full meaning of the verse, having been pointed towards particulars, and not generalities; and not towards Allah and the reality of his Goodness.
No one born to be homosexual, the first people committed this crime were Lot's people (قوم لوط):
وَلُوطًا إِذْ قَالَ لِقَوْمِهِ أَتَأْتُونَ الْفَاحِشَةَ مَا سَبَقَكُمْ بِهَا مِنْ أَحَدٍ مِنَ الْعَالَمِينَ
We also (sent) Lut: he said to his people: "Do ye commit lewdness such as no people in creation (ever) committed before you?
إِنَّكُمْ لَتَأْتُونَ الرِّجَالَ شَهْوَةً مِنْ دُونِ النِّسَاءِ ۚ بَلْ أَنْتُمْ قَوْمٌ مُسْرِفُونَ
"For ye practise your lusts on men in preference to women: ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds."
وَمَا كَانَ جَوَابَ قَوْمِهِ إِلَّا أَنْ قَالُوا أَخْرِجُوهُمْ مِنْ قَرْيَتِكُمْ ۖ إِنَّهُمْ أُنَاسٌ يَتَطَهَّرُونَ
And his people gave no answer but this: they said "Drive them out of your city: these are indeed men who want to be clean and pure!"
فَأَنْجَيْنَاهُ وَأَهْلَهُ إِلَّا امْرَأَتَهُ كَانَتْ مِنَ الْغَابِرِينَ.
But We saved him and his family except his wife: she was of those who lagged behind.
وَأَمْطَرْنَا عَلَيْهِمْ مَطَرًا ۖ فَانْظُرْ كَيْفَ كَانَ عَاقِبَةُ الْمُجْرِمِينَ
And We rained down on them a shower (of brimstone): then see what was the end of those who indulged in sin and crime!
If homosexuality is a natural thing, Allah wouldn't punish them such punishment:
فَأَخَذَتْهُمُ الصَّيْحَةُ مُشْرِقِينَ
But the (mighty) Blast overtook them before morning,
فَجَعَلْنَا عَالِيَهَا سَافِلَهَا وَأَمْطَرْنَا عَلَيْهِمْ حِجَارَةً مِنْ سِجِّيلٍ
And We turned (the Cities) upside down, and rained down on them brimstones hard as baked clay.
إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِلْمُتَوَسِّمِينَ
Behold! in this are Signs for those who by tokens do understand.
for something beyond their control.